His story, my journey...

Wake me up when september ends

2010-09-06T01:23:00.000-07:00

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
7 years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
20 years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

September is the time i lost you

the season where my tears ran dry

the memory drenched in pain and loss

2 years has gone so fast

more years to come

where you will live in my heart and memory forever

each year this day

will i whisper a prayer

may it turn to a letter addressed to heaven

telling you

i miss you, dad.

wake me up when september ends...

Love that never let go

2010-03-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life

I won't turn back

I know you are near

And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Prove to me

2009-10-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

i know how great thou art
i know how You calmed the raging seas
i know how much blood you have shed for me

Yet

i do not just want to know
i do not just want to hear
about how great is that God in the bible
about how great is the ever-forgiving love
that forgives even

a sinner
a wretch
the worst person in the world
like me

at the cross

i bow my knees
i challenge
i want to see
i want You to prove
let me see and experience

that You dont just live in Bible and sermons
that You are not just a silly belief which people thinks
i have fallen into
that You are real

by changing me
now.

Let me see
how thy grace
will change a lousy person like me.

Then shall i
my life
be a testimony for You
for the rest of my days
as long as life endures.

思

2009-09-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

What it takes

for a man to remember his promise

to a sometimes willful and over-demanding young girl

that he promised to get her a laptop which she has always wanted

even at the time when he knows his days are numbered

even it takes up not much that’s left of him

stretching that will that is still holding strong

within the frail body

he still wants to fulfill her dream like he always do…

What it takes

for a man to remember just that set of number

when he barely could couldn’t recognize anyone else that moment

lying on that snow-white hospital bed

he still want to give her a call

even it takes so much energy just to say a few simple words

to tell and assure her he is fine when he is not

even it takes up the pride and ego that means everything to a man

to beg and plead just so he could her voice in hospital where calls are forbid especially in an ICU

Just so he could tell her

what he hopes and wants for her life

before the cancer cells clear his path

his way

to the heaven…

That was the last time he talked to her

That was the last time she ever heard his voice…

All it takes...

is just a father’s love to his most precious princess...

To never fail his promise

To keep her in his mind and heart

even until the last moments…

365 days have passed...

she thought that being away from home for too long

being a strong and independent girl as always in everyone's eyes

the memories of him

that seem to linger lesser and lesser in her mind

she might and she will forget about him one day…

Just then she found out

it will never be.

She will never lose it

she will never forget it

she will never exchange it for anything.

Just because

its part of her.

366th day onwards

I wish I could tell you I don’t miss you anymore

I won’t be trying hard to recall the vague memories we had before

for I have decided to keep you in my heart wherever I go...

The day when I put on my graduation robe

The day when I walk into a crowd to serve as a pharmacist

The day when I walk the down the aisle to give my hand to him

The day when you will have a little one asking about his grandpa

i want you to be there

right there with me in my heart

to live every moment of my life with me…

I miss you,

I really do.

Change Changing Changed

2009-08-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

Every morning when i wake
i wait for You
Every night when i find rest
i found my rest in You

You're the one who's shaping me
to be more like You
i lose myself till there is nothing

i can, i will and i am changing
till it's You who i see in me
i stand, i kneel and i'd do anything
till it's You who i see in me

Unto You i commit this life again
every inch of me is to magnify You

Start in me
Start with me Lord
because i yearn to see
it too will start

in him
in her
in them
in the small family
in the small town
in the small land
in the small world
that never stops spinning

in Your big big hand...

i want

change changing changed

爱

2009-08-13T05:12:00.000-07:00

有人说，不要告诉她
我爱你
因为对她没有用。

原来
爱可以以价值计算。

原来，
最美的我爱你，
可以变得这么没意义。

原来
爱，好痛。

爱你的人，永远都是伤你最深的人。
是因为爱，所以才伤害吗？

人，好矛盾。
因为爱你，所以伤害你。
这是为你好。

我没有喊痛，不代表我没有感觉。

眼角的眼泪
终究
会被风而吹干。

Daddy，我累了。
可以暂时
不要再当你坚强的女儿
不要再忍着眼泪
不要长大

可以让我在你的怀抱
躲一下马？

我会好起来的
在眼泪干后。。。

Forever Legacy

2009-07-11T05:16:00.001-07:00

As i looked back
the very first post when this blog was born
its about him,
or rather Him
what He hoped for in tears as He looked down.

Heal the World
one song that truly melted my heart to it
each word speaks of the hope
hope of a generation
hope of a lonely soul that it will be heard one day
hope when finally guns are put down and hands are shaken again
hope of a sick world that needs healing.

Now
the one who sang it no longer sings
but the hope always remain
for he too hope for a better world
for his children
for this world which he has to bid farewell first.

He has made a difference,
have us?

Happy Fathers Day, dad...

2009-06-23T04:00:00.000-07:00

Daddy if there is one thing you should know
let it be that i love you so
no matter how tired you walked home from work
no matter how late you come home.

Daddy if there is one thing you should hear
let it be that i miss you always
the times you held me in your hands
the times you picked me up when i fall

You may not be the one that change the world
or save the human race
but Daddy you should know still
Yu're the one that makes me smile
the arms i run back to
You're the champion
the only champion of my heart.

Daddy if there is one thing i want
it would be another chance to tell you
You're the hero that took my nightmares away
the one that paint my skies with the
brightest colors

I don't mind of there is no gifts or presents
or when you're upset and angry
what truly matters to me
is that you first loved me so
that will never change
You're the champion, the champion of my heart.

How bout the times i fail you
still you believe in me
How bout the times i hurt myself
you cleaned my wounds and
When the rain came pouring in
you kept me safe and dry
what more could i ask of you
when i have the best of what you could be

by TLJ

Daddy if there is one thing I'd want
it would be another chance to tell you
Happy Fathers Day.

Sing for You

2009-05-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

Say the word and I will sing for You

Over oceans deep, I will follow

If each star was a song

And every breath of wind, praise

It would still fail by far to say

All my heart contains

I simply live,

I simply live for You

As the glory of Your presence

Now fills this place

In worship, we will meet You face to face

There is nothing in this world

To which You can be compared

Glory on glory, praise upon praise

You bind the broken hearted

And save all my tears

By Your word, You set the captives free

There is nothing in this world

That You cannot do

I simply live,

I simply live for You

No longer my race to run

but Your will to be done

for i am saved by grace

living by grace now

this is a life

lived simply for You alone...

That Friday...

2009-04-14T03:17:00.000-07:00

At 3pm, it rained. Rained so heavily. The rain today feels different. In the midst of wetness and refreshing breeze it brings, it is mixed with a string of sadness, loneliness, that breaks the heart of all who feels it. I am reminded…

Six hours one Friday,

was all that it takes,

for the son of Man,

Lamb of God,

to be nailed on the cross,

bearing all the sins and shame.

That moment,

clouds turned dark,

the Father looked away,

heaven wept,

and the angels were silent,

looking at that man hung on the cross.

“It is finished.”

The end of sins

end of His work here on Earth

end of His cup of sufferings

end of death,

for our Lord,

has paid them all.

Love is the color of the blood stained on the cross at Calvary…

Happy Niu Year ^^

2009-01-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

The celebration of festival

Can mean so much more than...

The cleaning up job

Which often comes with the non-stop grumbling yet so much satisfaction :P

Or the new n nice nice clothes from top to bottom

(mum always complain they make a hole in her pocket :P)

Or...

the abundant of unlimited delicacies

(which often make me gain afew kgs after tat =.= )

It means...

the meeting up n catching up with loved ones

who are so faraway yet so close in hearts

having so much fun n energy even after staying up the whole nite

And with the addition of a new member in the family

so goes with the addition of joy n smiles plastered on every face

Double joy

Double time together

Double prosperity

Double blessings

in this New Year!!!

Mooo~~~

DaddyGod,thank U for such cute n fabulous family i have =)

Happy Birthday Lord

2008-12-25T04:41:00.000-08:00

Light of the world

You step down into darkness

Opened my eyes let me see

Beauty that made this heart adore you

hope of a life spent with you

And here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that you're my God

You're altogether lovely

Altogether worthy

Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days

Oh so highly exalted

Glorious in heaven above

Humbly you came to the earth you created

All for love's sake became poor

Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that you're my God

You're altogether lovely

Altogether worthy

Altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross

Because of Your great love,

You humble Yourself and came down to us

As a light that shines

So beamingly in the darkness...

How beautiful, is the name of Jesus,

How innocent and blameless, is the baby in the manger,

How wonderful, is the man he is going to grow up to be,

How indescribable, is His love...

Happy Birthday,

my Lord, my King, my Savior

my everything

Christmas is a time to love

2008-12-23T01:02:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a time
Christmas is a time
Christmas is a time to love...

We often start to worry,
and people get upset,
when things all don't go right on Christmas day.
What we should remember,
in all the push and shove,
is Christmas is a time to love.

Maybe things don't sound right,
or look the way they should,
or maybe they're not perfectly in tune.
It really doesn't matter,
let's keep our eyes above,
Cos Christmas is a time to love.

Christmas is a time

Christmas is a time

Christmas is a time to love.

Cos Christmas is a time to love...

Beautiful Whisper

2008-12-09T02:21:00.000-08:00

***
The faces that Moses had begged to see – was forbidden to see – was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth’s rebellion now twisted around his own brow...

“On your back with you!”

One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier’s heart continue pumping as he readies the prisoner’s wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier’s life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breathe to is lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do “all things hold together (Colossians 1:17) The victim wills that the soldier live on – he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm – the sensations it would be capable of. The designs prove flawless – the nerves perform exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an earthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being – the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father’s eye turns brown with rot.
His Father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shrivelling remnant of a man hanging on the cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognise these eyes.

“Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped – murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten – fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk- you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raoing virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp – buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves – relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blameless itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart’s treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah’s stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!”

But heaven stop its ears. The Son has stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled it. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

Taken from Boy Meets Girls by Joshua Harris
Originated from When God Weeps by Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson Tada

***

Always thought that the bloody scene on the cross is something that couldn’t be more familiar about. Of how the most innocent blameless man being hung there for dying for our sins, of how each nail was pierced into his flesh nailing to it sins that we commit, of how every drop of blood that dripped wash and wipe away with it the ugly and gruesome of our past, of how a Father chose to turn away when His most beloved and precious Son cries out to Him.

Yet im reminded. I could have never know it enough. I could have never picture it perfectly of every pain He had gone through for me. I could have never figured out who am i to deserve such grace when i am supposed to pay the price for my own sins, He paid it for me.

Why the Cross?

Because sinners have no other hope...

Why the Cross?

Because it is the unassailable proof that we can be forgiven...

Just as im asking wondering why should i deserve such ocean depth of love and forgiveness, i heard Him whispered,

“It’s not what you have done, it’s what my Son has done for you.”

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

I would never stop to be amazed by You...

Season in His hands

2008-11-28T02:40:00.000-08:00

For everything there is a season,
A time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time to harvest
A time to kill and a time to heal
A time to tear down and a time to build up
A time to cry and a time to laugh
A time to grieve and a time to dance
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones

A time to embrace and a time to turn away
A time to search and a time to quit searching
A time to keep and a time to throw away
A time to tear and a time to mend
A time to be quiet and a time to speak
A time to love and a time to hate
A time for war and a time for peace

Eccelesiates 3: 1-8

Daddy,
Sometimes it takes so much
To yield to Your perfect plan
To the Time that You hold in Your hands.
But I’m learning
Learning to submit
With all i am.
Learning to let You
Slowly heal the wounds
That hurts.

Its the season again
A time to take hold and a time to let go
I’m letting go
And place it in Your hands
The string of kite that im not capable of holding
Will i get to hold it back again
I do not know
But one thing im confident of
It will soar high
Really high
With You...

A time for rain and a time for rainbow
Hope that will never fade
Hope that will only appear after every storm
Yet, right now
I just want to sit alone
In the season of crystal bead of raindrops
That beat out a beautiful melody
Every drops that fall on me...

“For three things will abide forever- faith, hope and love- and the greatest of these is love.”
1Corinthians 13:13

Daddy, let me remain let me hide in Your love forever...

Smell of Rain

2008-10-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

A beautiful story, a beautiful sharing...

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery. Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.

That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.
At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs.

"I don't think she's going to make it," he said, as kindly as he could.

"There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one."

Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived. She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.

"No! No!" was all Diana could say.

She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away.

But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.

All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger. But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.

At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.

Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment.

Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.

One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent. Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked,

"Do you smell that?"

Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied,

"Yes, it smells like rain."

Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?"

Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain."

Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced,

"No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest."

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.

During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginning, but not its end. Sometimes we dont see Him, but one thing for sure, He is always there, cradling us in His arms just as how a Father will lovingly carry His children, protecting them from the storms and thunders.

Tat is the warmest and strongest arms the world could not offer.

Till we meet again at Home

2008-09-09T03:33:00.000-07:00

Specially dedicated to a special man in my life

6 Sept 2008 ...

I hold them in my hands,

So cold, so pale.

The coldness of the palm told me,

No amount of warm tears,

could bring back the temperature of the hands again,

no amount of calling,

would make ur eyes open and look at me again,

no amount of grief n brokenness,

can make the sound of heart thumping to be heard again.

I bowed down,

For the last time i speak to you face to face,

“Pa, I will take good care of mum and sis.
I will be a daughter that will do you proud.
We shall meet again in heaven, ok?
A promise.”

For the last time i pray for you,

“God, i am surrendering this man into ur loving hands.
Bring him to a place free of suffering and pain.
Take him home, a place to where he belongs.”

Last kiss, last goodbye.

8 Sept 2008 ...

Last journey,

I completed it with you till the very end.

The body turns to dust and past will be carried away by wind,

But the soul has finally found his eternal shelter to rest.

That evening, it rained.

Rain that reminded me that its time to wash away sorrow and tears,

And start on a journey without you.

“You are a joyful man, your daughter wouldn’t be too bad either.”

Yet the heart that misses will always remain.

One day, i know,

I will meet both my Fathers again at Home.

Patient in Patience

2008-08-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

Maybe to a patient

to the family that stays by side

every moment

what it requires

what it takes

is not just extra patience

to take up what may seems so unfair

but also extra love

to make up what disease has taken away

extra courage

to be prepared of what is unseen ahead

extra hope

to continue trusting that prayers whispered every nite

will be answered even when it takes a longer time

and

extra faith

to hang on even what is left on the palm

is helplessness...

"Sometimes if the ships of prayer do not come home speedily,it is because they are more heavily laden with blessings."

Lord,im still waiting for the ship to reach its destination, to the place where it belongs to.

The Crowd or The Cross

2008-07-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

As we walk down the path

The crowd's cheering

Their sound of persuasion

Their hands that waved signalling us to follow

So luring...

So attractive...

So tempting...

Have our eyes been so obsessed by the it

That they no longer can see or notice

The little cross ahead

The logs where bloods were once shed

The trees where all the sins were paid n forgiven

The place where the mission of a carpenter is finished

The point where we are given a chance

to start again.

Tis is where we belong...

The most simple yet most difficult question,

The Crowd or The Cross,

Have u decided?

Flash

2008-04-23T04:19:00.000-07:00

Couldn't stand the Friday afternoon in Akasia

So off we go

Me n Betty

Two young ladies

Exploring the new ways of using our camera lens

to capture what human eyes always missed

in a place that no one will actually take the effort to stop

But if ever one day

u slow down ur steps

to pause awhile

maybe u will discover

the spirit of flower that speaks

the eye that blinks

the rhythm of flowing water that sings

and the hands of God that creates =)

Beautiful Saviour

2008-04-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

Jesus
Beautiful Saviour
God of all Majesty
Risen king.

Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star.

All the heavens shout your praise
All creation bow to worship You.

How wonderful
how beautiful
Name above every name
exalted high
How wonderful
how beautiful
Jesus your name
name above every name
Jesus

I will sing forever

Jesus I love you

Jesus I love you

Planetshakers

Lord

when there are no way turn to anymore

when all that is left is a dead end in front
when i am too weary to go on anymore
when i am too weak to even hold on anymore

i pray
i ask

i cry

Lord
please dont ever let go of your hands that are holding me
because
thats all i am left with now...

The Clown's Prayer

2008-03-23T03:39:00.000-07:00

The Clown's Prayer

As I stumble through this life

help me to create more laughter than tears,

dispense more cheer than gloom,

spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent,

that I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child,

or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people,

make them happy,

and forget momentarily,

all the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,

may I hear You whisper:

“When you made My people smile, you made Me smile.”

Anonymous

There is a clown hidden in the heart of all.

Have u allowed the joy and light of a clown to shine

from within u?

Man VS Men

2008-03-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

When...

Man laughs,
Men are there to double up the happiness.

Man weeps,
Men are there to wipe away his tears and divide his sorrow.

Man falls,
Men are behind ready to catch him.

Man runs,
Men are running alongside to cheer and support.

Man stands on stage,
Men sit quietly down there taking down his glorious moment.

Man got weary,
Men are there to offer their shoulders to be leaned on.

Man got lost,
Men will be his light bearers to guide him back on track.

Man soar new height,
Men are down there giving him their best applause.

Man sits in gloom,
Men will be his sunshine to brighten up his sky.

Man go for war,
Men will be his best advisors to work out a strategy together on next step to take.

Man stop and couldn't continue anymore,
Men stretch out their hands and promise to walk hand-in-hand with him.

Man will never be alone,
because Men are always there for him.

I am glad and grateful,
to be a Man,
surrounded by Men.
I am trying my best,
to be the Men for you all.

The Chase

2008-01-16T00:47:00.000-08:00

A dog chases its tail
It runs
It pounce on it
Yet it never gets to touch it.

I chase after the wind
I run
I try to grab it
Yet nothing stays in my palm.

If it will stop going in rounds and move on
If i will just stop my steps and close my eyes
the tail will follow behind it
the breeze will kiss my cheeks.

As we chase after nothing
In nothingness.

Ending or Beginning?

2008-01-06T20:05:00.000-08:00

2007 has ended. Looking back,it has really been an incredible, dramatical journey year for me.

To give it a start, I started the first ever "proper" job in my life as an account clerk in a food supplier company. Before i decided to take up this job, i found a job as a salesgirl (thats what usually Spm leavers will normally do isn't it?). But somehow the arrogant, overbearing self seems to protest that isn't it abit of err...waste of talent after all the efforts put in all these years but nowhere to utilize these knowledge that i have gained? In this small tiny boutique? Of course not! And so here i move on from a shop into an air-conditioned office.

Wuhoo, awesome an easy job huh?Yet God said : You are wrong, girl! It wasn't really that comfortable, that carefree, that easy working in an office okay. First , you have to sacrifice your freedom by trapping yourself in that square space with only a computer , calculator and one colleague as company. This is totally unimaginable for a person like me who will die if I stop talking or making noise for more than 10 minutes. Scary...Then what you deal with each day each minute each second from 8am to 5pm are numbers, numbers, and still numbers.

Phew, Im so glad that i survived and managed to escape from there 3 months later. Although it had been a suffering more than a pleasure to me, i have to admit that i do learnt alot there and also getting clearer of my future direction. I will never do something got to do with accounts again!

Next come another headache. What to study and where to study. The most surprising thing is that I never ever expect that i will get into matriculation, which seems even harder than getting an A for my Arts. I asked, i thought, i consider, i struggled. Alot had advised me to stay for STPM, but in the end i still chose to leave since thats God's will.

First time leaving home, it turns out to be worse that what i could think of. No family, no friends, everything have to start from the scratch. The rushing syllabus,stressful unstoppable tests and limited freedom made me even want to escape from this invisible cage. I began to wonder is my stubborness to leave in the beginning made me get what i deserved now? I cried. I thought i was strong enough, but sadly no. Father, I don't like it here. Father, save me from here. This is what i whispered to Him every night under my blankets in tears. He heard me, He answered me. He wiped away my tears. The next thing i know is to receive a call from a friend telling me that my appeal for JPA had succeded. Another miracle.

This is the scholarship most of us dreamt of, because it offers us a chance to further our studies overseas without burdening our family. It seems so faraway, so impossible. Yet, i got it. God is so gracious to me that He made all the impossible possible. I was offered Pharmacy Twinning in IMU. I have to say my family, my principal seem to be happier than i am. Yeah i can run away from matrics but to be honest is pharmacy really suits me? Will i give up half-way again like what happened in matrics? Is this really what i want? Too many questions, too many uncertainties. Once again, i decided to surrender my future, my destiny, my life into His hands to follow what He had planned for me.

Second time leaving home, it was certainly much more easier to adapt to life here. But the biggest difference i found here in Intec is the people here. God did not put me here alone. He gave me a big big family of Christ that i never thought of. They are always there for me, happy or sad. I found a sense of familiarity and warmth even in this faraway land from home. First, we have Campus Alive here, which connects every of the brothers and sisters in Christ here together which gives us the opportunity to draw closer to God in the process of learning and growing.

Then i get to attend church, a chance i never had before this. Another big, cute ,warm family gifted by God. Of course not to forget my comrades who have been fighting all along with me till now, never give up and never forget to tell you that You are never alone in this journey.

I have alot of sweet memories here, because they are shared.

Christmas time. A season of love and blessings. Apart from all the gifts, cards, santa claus lies the true meaning of the birth of Christ. A symbolism of hope, peace and joy. This year christmas is special because i have my room mate Steffie and my sis Pae Chen here with me, joining us in carolling. House to house we sang, spreading the joy of christmas around. Able to meet all the Yfers again is what im thankful for. God knows how much i miss them.

So yeah this is roughly what happened throughout the year of 2007, year of new height. Moved from Kluang to Tangkak, then to Shah Alam and lastly back to Kluang again. If you never leave home, leave your friends behind, you wouldn't know how much you gonna miss them. If you never take a step out, you wouldn't know how borderless is the world outside there. If you neverf fall before you will never know how much it hurts and how much it meant for that helping hand to give you a pull to help you stand on your feet again.

It wasn't a smooth journey for me. Instead God took me up the mountains, down the valleys, through bushes of thorns, dry deserts. experience storms, strong winds and get to taste the feelings of lost. But just as every Father wants to see the best out of their children, He sent us off on a rocky path for us to grow, mature and one day metamorphose into that beautiful butterfly he set us to be. His faithful hands will never let go of mine in this walk with Him.

2008, instead of setting my eyes on Beijing Olympic Games which i will never get a chance to take part in, i chose to focus on God. I asked him for directions. I prayed for him to continue making that difference in me so that i could be that difference for others. I asked for Him to blow off that layer of dust covering me so that i could shine for him from within.

2008, God i want to present an interesting story of mine for you.

Stay tuned !

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test He will receive the crown of Life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Four Taste of Love

2007-12-06T06:24:00.000-08:00

Sour
One suck of lemon squash, the taste is simply euuu…it made you close your eyes immediately and just want to swallow it down your throat in the shortest time ever. The sourness flows into heart, turning into jealousy. Or maybe envious? She doesn’t know. Yes,she is jealous, jealous that other girls could get to own that precious smile of his but she never gets her turn, jealous that she could never be the first to share his joy and tears, jealous that he never noticed the heart that she offered with both hands. Somebody said before, the furthest distance in the world is not North Pole and South Pole, nor Heaven and Earth. I am standing right in front of you, but you don’t know I love you. Finishing up the last drop of drink, she put the slice of lemon into her mouth. She chose to let the sourness of it to cover up the sourness that is dwelling inside her.

Sweet
Put a tiny piece of chocolate into your mouth. It turns into liquid, filling every inch of your mouth. It is warm, it is sweet, enough to melt even the toughest heart to send the message of happiness to every cell in the body. She never knows joy can be this infectious. A smile on his face can made another smile blooms on her face. See him falling down she feels the pain all the same. His happiness is equals to hers. She felt contented just by leaning on his shoulder and fall asleep in his arms. She is willing to let him hold her hand, lead her to the end of the world as long as that is where he wants to soar.

Bitter
Have you ever seen bitter gourd? Beneath that green fresh appealing skin, lies the unspoken bitterness. It is so nicely wrapped up by its appearance that you really have to give it a bite to have a taste of the real juice of bitterness that it brings. To him, she knows she can only be his best friend, maybe a good listener and a sister. She knows his heart has been given away to another girl long time ago. She is fully aware of all these. But she has to admit she is a failure, totally failure in controlling her heart not to think of him, not to like him, not to follow him. After plucking up all the courage she could find, she decided to made it clear with him. Be it good or bad. The word No that came out from his mouth marked the ending of her dreams, dreams that once convinced her that they will have a future, that they will walk on this journey of life together hand in hand, that they still have a lot of time to compose the beautiful stories about them. Her heart is numb, numbed by that bitterness hidden beneath the strong front of it.

Spicy
Just like what the old Portugese and a lot of westerners had done to risk their lives, fight the winds and waves crossing the ocean all the way to Malaya just to look for that tiny pepper seed. It is the spiciness that attracts them. It spikes up your taste bud, it makes you sweat and feel like on fire, yet you don’t wanna feel like stopping but craving for more. Because that’s human nature – like to challenge and enjoy the excitement it brings. She is not those gentle and demure lady who speaks softly, who enjoyed being pampered like a cat on the lap. She is the one who will laugh loudly when she is happy, forgets all about image a girl should have when she gets into fun, get even with guys that try to bully her, nail right on the head if she finds you have gone the wrong way. The guy must be a real Malaysian to dare to take up the challenge to try this little chilli. Phew !

I have been wondering, why salt is left out of the four taste? Isn’t it the most important seasoning that we have put into cooking? How could God made a blunder like this? Only after that I realized, God would never made a mistake. Let me prove this to you:

If you mix sourness with bitterness ( acid + alkali) , you will get salt and water.
This is known as tears. Tears are sometimes sign that show you are still a normal being who undergoes feelings joy and sorrow. Although it is made up of both sourness and bitterness, but is only after tasting these two taste that you will get to appreciate the sweetness that comes after that even more.

Love is made up of all taste. Just like people is craving for chocolate because it contains bitterness blended with sweetness. Tomyam is nice because it is spicy and sour. Any fruit that you taste sweet now is sour before it ripens. Just like a rainbow is incomplete when it lacks one colour, love would be a flaw if you miss any of this taste. Be grateful that God gave us this chance to experience the taste of Love, so let us start to enjoy it now !

joyCe

2007-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

JOYCE

Joy

C Christ

E Everything

To have that joy when u begin to see and feel Christ in everything

To have that joy when u continue to trust Him in times of trouble

To have that joy when u keep holding on to Him on that rocky path

To have that joy that u get to own His unfailing and eternal love

To have that joy He puts inside u since the first day He laid His eyes on u

To have that joy when u finally willing to let ur old self die n fly away in the blowing wind

and

Let Him give you a whole new Life again

To Let you share the Joy u have with others

Can u feel my Joy?

I Trust Him

2007-10-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

There she kneels, alone in the center of a circle. Surrounding her was a group of men, with whips. Pillars of sweats were dropping down from the cheeks of both parties, the woman and the men.

"Let's see how long u can stand this. I will make u suffer for this." What follow was a series of mad laughter.

"He will make u pay for this... " she quenched out her last bit of energy to squeezed out these few words from the the seemingly unmoved lips.

Sshhip...

another slash dropped on her back. Skins broke, blood splashed, body collapsed...

There she is, lying there. Motionless. Eyes looking upward into the ray of light in front of her, looking into nothingness. One could easily thought the thing lying there is just a corpse, lifeless. But if u would just go abit more closer, u can notice that bead of tear on the edge of her eyelid, and maybe the very frail movement of chest, up, down, up, down...the only sign that proves that she is still alive.

The people around her was gone now,all that left was darkness. Totally darkness. But many didn't realise that there was actually a fire burning in the room itself. The flame was dazzling, the heat was immense, the temperature is high, high enough to melt the hardest solid in the world, gold. It was there, deep in her heart, burning so intensely. But what she wanted was not gold that it melts, but hearts, hearts of stone.

The door was opened, a figure walked in. Not those face with evil grins on their face and a whip in their hands anymore, not those rigid and sturdy body anymore. No, not them anymore. But it really didn't matter also anyway now.

In she came, a lady. Same age with her. The difference between these them was, she was clean and neat. And most importantly, she didn't have scars with her, she didn't have to go through what she had gone through. She stood there, stunned. Couldn't believe what she saw.

"What have they done to u? How could they...?? "

She ran over, hugged the motionless body and broke down in tears. That's her best friend, who grew up together with her. They once shared the same dream, shared the same memories, shared the same laughter and tears. But when they decided to follow the different master, it won't be the same anymore.

One decided to follow a wealthy man.He was rich, he was smart or maybe cunning, he can give you anything u desire for as long as u submit to him, to his powers to do what he ordered to achieve success in his evil plots. She followed him,and she was glad she could be free from all the sufferings and enjoyed life by controlling by her master.

Another decided to follow a guy. He got everything too, yet nothing. He was a servant himself, serving others. Why would one choose to follow a servant and be a servant's servant ? No one understand. Furthermore this master of hers had been condemned by all for his acts of claiming to be God's son and lastly die by being nailed to a cross in front of public. And there she was here, going through agony for her master that was dead and will never be back according to all.

"Why are u so stubborn? Just surrender to them. It won't take u anything and instead u will enjoy it."

"He will come..."

"No, he won't. Listen, he won't come. He forsake u when u are in trouble and how do u expect a person who can't even save himself to come and save u?"

Countless of people told her all these before. She can't remembered anymore how many times it had been repeated. From her enemies, from the ignorant people, from her friends, and, even her loved ones. People laughed at her stupid loyalty, people mocked her for looking troubles for herself, and people persecuted her for her faith.

This does not just happened once. From the first day she decided to follow Him, she expected this. Reprimands, mockery, sarcastic words...never stopped. She told herself it will be fine, they will stop when they finally realise the truth one day. But this one day that she had been waiting for never comes.

Again and again she was persecuted, again and again they stepped on her, again and again she was stabbed. Again and again her tears dropped...

She prayed so hard, pray that one day the flame in her heart could help the lost ones to find their way. But, it didn't happened. Not till now...

She was tired of waiting. She felt like to stop here, now. She can't go on anymore...

Just as she felt that she was going to surrender, she heard Him. Yes, loud and clear He speaks to her.

"Im sorry that u have to go through this. But trust me, one day I will come to fetch you home, your real home. Hold on to me and i shall honour you. "

In that hollow room where only sobs of her friends that could be heard, there was another sound. It was a hymn, a very soft sound...

When i fall u picked me up

When i am empty u filled me up

To give up i would be a fool

U are my strength when i am weak

U sustain me when im falling

U saw the best in me
U are all i need

Im everything i am

Because u loved me

"Girl, listen to me once. Please, just this once. Surrender to them. "

" I will surrender...but only to my Lord." She closed her eyes up.

I trust Him.

I will be back

2007-10-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

To some, its merely a structure with roof on top to let u take shelter from the changing weather, a place to let u rest and take a nap, a place where there are tv and foods available abundantly, a place where u can hear the naggings of old folks with siblings bugging you all day long...

But trust me, its more than that.

Yes, its a shelter, a shelter for a vulnerable heart.
Yes, its a place of rest, a place of rest for a weary soul.
Yes, it provides entertainment, but in the form of laughter and encouragement that makes the worn out engine to keep moving on.
A place of nagging and bugging, where words fused with love and care replenish one's heart to let you hear your own heartbeat once again...

Some said, you won't know how much a thing matters to you until you lose it.
It's old-fashioned rite?But its true...

Stepping in, the same settings, the same atmosphere, the same face, the same smile.

I know, im home...

A place where i can put down my burdens, my worries, my armour. I am myself and i know the people in this little world love me for who i am.

When i'm cold, there is someone to put a blanket on me.
When i'm hurt, there will be a pair of hands to gently apply balm on my wound.
When i'm tired, there will be a voice saying, " Just close ur eyes n lean on me."

In this small little space, maybe not even a grain of sand compare to the vast universe, i found the thing that i have been seeking for all this while.

Holding the ticket in my hands, i know, i have to leave again.
Staring into her eyes, i saw her anxiety. No much words uttered, just a simple

"Be careful."

I never realised how much worries and care have been added into this two simple words, but the warmth had melt my heart, making it even fluidity than it could be when it comes to mix with the tears dwelling in it.

No matter how far i traveled, how much i achieved, how high i soar, i know this is the place where i truly belong.

Looking out from the window,my heart whispered,

I will be back

Heal The World

2007-10-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

spoken:
Think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better
world for our children and our children's children. So that they know
it's a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better
place.

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow.
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow.
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving.
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

Bridge:
And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it's soul
Though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly
Be God's glow.

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel
You are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place

taken from Heal The World by Michael Jackson

No special preference to Michael Jackson's songs, but i have to say this is the one song that captures my attention,and maybe captures my heart to it.

Heal the World,many would say this could only remain as a dream forever.A naive dream of a naive girl...
Who she think she is to be able achieve this?

But somebody told her before that all of us are actually World Changers send by God.

Miillions are dying everday.We are not of any help.We can't rise the dead.We can't do anything...

So often we let our weariness blindfolded our eyes that were meant to see
So often we let the buzziness of the city to close our hearts to others
So often we let frowns instead of smile to take up a place on our face
So often we let our hands occupied with other things that we don't even get the chance to give others a hearty shake

So often so often,we let the World around us change us instead of being a world changer...

If everyone could just make a little change...
Give our loved ones a big hug hug
Flashing a heartfelt smile to the aunty you meet on road in the morning
To say a simple thank you when somebody do you even the smallest favour
To stretch out our hands to people who fall down to give them a pull to stand on feet again
To lend a shoulder or listening ears to a crying heart
To be by their side when they need you the most
To trust that Love still exist
To hold on to the faith that we could do it
To continue believe that we will get there one day if u would just continue believing...

She knows she can't do much,but she knows she can make a difference...

She always believe that...