The Clown's Prayer

The Clown's Prayer

As I stumble through this life

help me to create more laughter than tears,

dispense more cheer than gloom,

spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent,

that I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child,

or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people,

make them happy,

and forget momentarily,

all the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,

may I hear You whisper:

“When you made My people smile, you made Me smile.”

Anonymous

There is a clown hidden in the heart of all.

Have u allowed the joy and light of a clown to shine

from within u?

Man VS Men

When...

Man laughs,
Men are there to double up the happiness.

Man weeps,
Men are there to wipe away his tears and divide his sorrow.

Man falls,
Men are behind ready to catch him.

Man runs,
Men are running alongside to cheer and support.

Man stands on stage,
Men sit quietly down there taking down his glorious moment.

Man got weary,
Men are there to offer their shoulders to be leaned on.

Man got lost,
Men will be his light bearers to guide him back on track.

Man soar new height,
Men are down there giving him their best applause.

Man sits in gloom,
Men will be his sunshine to brighten up his sky.

Man go for war,
Men will be his best advisors to work out a strategy together on next step to take.

Man stop and couldn't continue anymore,
Men stretch out their hands and promise to walk hand-in-hand with him.

Man will never be alone,
because Men are always there for him.

I am glad and grateful,
to be a Man,
surrounded by Men.
I am trying my best,
to be the Men for you all.

The Chase

A dog chases its tail
It runs
It pounce on it
Yet it never gets to touch it.

I chase after the wind
I run
I try to grab it
Yet nothing stays in my palm.

If it will stop going in rounds and move on
If i will just stop my steps and close my eyes
the tail will follow behind it
the breeze will kiss my cheeks.

As we chase after nothing
In nothingness.

Ending or Beginning?

2007 has ended. Looking back,it has really been an incredible, dramatical journey year for me.

To give it a start, I started the first ever "proper" job in my life as an account clerk in a food supplier company. Before i decided to take up this job, i found a job as a salesgirl (thats what usually Spm leavers will normally do isn't it?). But somehow the arrogant, overbearing self seems to protest that isn't it abit of err...waste of talent after all the efforts put in all these years but nowhere to utilize these knowledge that i have gained? In this small tiny boutique? Of course not! And so here i move on from a shop into an air-conditioned office.

Wuhoo, awesome an easy job huh?Yet God said : You are wrong, girl! It wasn't really that comfortable, that carefree, that easy working in an office okay. First , you have to sacrifice your freedom by trapping yourself in that square space with only a computer , calculator and one colleague as company. This is totally unimaginable for a person like me who will die if I stop talking or making noise for more than 10 minutes. Scary...Then what you deal with each day each minute each second from 8am to 5pm are numbers, numbers, and still numbers.

Phew, Im so glad that i survived and managed to escape from there 3 months later. Although it had been a suffering more than a pleasure to me, i have to admit that i do learnt alot there and also getting clearer of my future direction. I will never do something got to do with accounts again!

Next come another headache. What to study and where to study. The most surprising thing is that I never ever expect that i will get into matriculation, which seems even harder than getting an A for my Arts. I asked, i thought, i consider, i struggled. Alot had advised me to stay for STPM, but in the end i still chose to leave since thats God's will.

First time leaving home, it turns out to be worse that what i could think of. No family, no friends, everything have to start from the scratch. The rushing syllabus,stressful unstoppable tests and limited freedom made me even want to escape from this invisible cage. I began to wonder is my stubborness to leave in the beginning made me get what i deserved now? I cried. I thought i was strong enough, but sadly no. Father, I don't like it here. Father, save me from here. This is what i whispered to Him every night under my blankets in tears. He heard me, He answered me. He wiped away my tears. The next thing i know is to receive a call from a friend telling me that my appeal for JPA had succeded. Another miracle.




This is the scholarship most of us dreamt of, because it offers us a chance to further our studies overseas without burdening our family. It seems so faraway, so impossible. Yet, i got it. God is so gracious to me that He made all the impossible possible. I was offered Pharmacy Twinning in IMU. I have to say my family, my principal seem to be happier than i am. Yeah i can run away from matrics but to be honest is pharmacy really suits me? Will i give up half-way again like what happened in matrics? Is this really what i want? Too many questions, too many uncertainties. Once again, i decided to surrender my future, my destiny, my life into His hands to follow what He had planned for me.


Second time leaving home, it was certainly much more easier to adapt to life here. But the biggest difference i found here in Intec is the people here. God did not put me here alone. He gave me a big big family of Christ that i never thought of. They are always there for me, happy or sad. I found a sense of familiarity and warmth even in this faraway land from home. First, we have Campus Alive here, which connects every of the brothers and sisters in Christ here together which gives us the opportunity to draw closer to God in the process of learning and growing.

Then i get to attend church, a chance i never had before this. Another big, cute ,warm family gifted by God. Of course not to forget my comrades who have been fighting all along with me till now, never give up and never forget to tell you that You are never alone in this journey.

I have alot of sweet memories here, because they are shared.



Christmas time. A season of love and blessings. Apart from all the gifts, cards, santa claus lies the true meaning of the birth of Christ. A symbolism of hope, peace and joy. This year christmas is special because i have my room mate Steffie and my sis Pae Chen here with me, joining us in carolling. House to house we sang, spreading the joy of christmas around. Able to meet all the Yfers again is what im thankful for. God knows how much i miss them.



So yeah this is roughly what happened throughout the year of 2007, year of new height. Moved from Kluang to Tangkak, then to Shah Alam and lastly back to Kluang again. If you never leave home, leave your friends behind, you wouldn't know how much you gonna miss them. If you never take a step out, you wouldn't know how borderless is the world outside there. If you neverf fall before you will never know how much it hurts and how much it meant for that helping hand to give you a pull to help you stand on your feet again.

It wasn't a smooth journey for me. Instead God took me up the mountains, down the valleys, through bushes of thorns, dry deserts. experience storms, strong winds and get to taste the feelings of lost. But just as every Father wants to see the best out of their children, He sent us off on a rocky path for us to grow, mature and one day metamorphose into that beautiful butterfly he set us to be. His faithful hands will never let go of mine in this walk with Him.



2008, instead of setting my eyes on Beijing Olympic Games which i will never get a chance to take part in, i chose to focus on God. I asked him for directions. I prayed for him to continue making that difference in me so that i could be that difference for others. I asked for Him to blow off that layer of dust covering me so that i could shine for him from within.

2008, God i want to present an interesting story of mine for you.

Stay tuned !


"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test He will receive the crown of Life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Four Taste of Love

Sour
One suck of lemon squash, the taste is simply euuu…it made you close your eyes immediately and just want to swallow it down your throat in the shortest time ever. The sourness flows into heart, turning into jealousy. Or maybe envious? She doesn’t know. Yes,she is jealous, jealous that other girls could get to own that precious smile of his but she never gets her turn, jealous that she could never be the first to share his joy and tears, jealous that he never noticed the heart that she offered with both hands. Somebody said before, the furthest distance in the world is not North Pole and South Pole, nor Heaven and Earth. I am standing right in front of you, but you don’t know I love you. Finishing up the last drop of drink, she put the slice of lemon into her mouth. She chose to let the sourness of it to cover up the sourness that is dwelling inside her.

Sweet
Put a tiny piece of chocolate into your mouth. It turns into liquid, filling every inch of your mouth. It is warm, it is sweet, enough to melt even the toughest heart to send the message of happiness to every cell in the body. She never knows joy can be this infectious. A smile on his face can made another smile blooms on her face. See him falling down she feels the pain all the same. His happiness is equals to hers. She felt contented just by leaning on his shoulder and fall asleep in his arms. She is willing to let him hold her hand, lead her to the end of the world as long as that is where he wants to soar.



Bitter
Have you ever seen bitter gourd? Beneath that green fresh appealing skin, lies the unspoken bitterness. It is so nicely wrapped up by its appearance that you really have to give it a bite to have a taste of the real juice of bitterness that it brings. To him, she knows she can only be his best friend, maybe a good listener and a sister. She knows his heart has been given away to another girl long time ago. She is fully aware of all these. But she has to admit she is a failure, totally failure in controlling her heart not to think of him, not to like him, not to follow him. After plucking up all the courage she could find, she decided to made it clear with him. Be it good or bad. The word No that came out from his mouth marked the ending of her dreams, dreams that once convinced her that they will have a future, that they will walk on this journey of life together hand in hand, that they still have a lot of time to compose the beautiful stories about them. Her heart is numb, numbed by that bitterness hidden beneath the strong front of it.



Spicy
Just like what the old Portugese and a lot of westerners had done to risk their lives, fight the winds and waves crossing the ocean all the way to Malaya just to look for that tiny pepper seed. It is the spiciness that attracts them. It spikes up your taste bud, it makes you sweat and feel like on fire, yet you don’t wanna feel like stopping but craving for more. Because that’s human nature – like to challenge and enjoy the excitement it brings. She is not those gentle and demure lady who speaks softly, who enjoyed being pampered like a cat on the lap. She is the one who will laugh loudly when she is happy, forgets all about image a girl should have when she gets into fun, get even with guys that try to bully her, nail right on the head if she finds you have gone the wrong way. The guy must be a real Malaysian to dare to take up the challenge to try this little chilli. Phew !


I have been wondering, why salt is left out of the four taste? Isn’t it the most important seasoning that we have put into cooking? How could God made a blunder like this? Only after that I realized, God would never made a mistake. Let me prove this to you:


If you mix sourness with bitterness ( acid + alkali) , you will get salt and water.
This is known as tears. Tears are sometimes sign that show you are still a normal being who undergoes feelings joy and sorrow. Although it is made up of both sourness and bitterness, but is only after tasting these two taste that you will get to appreciate the sweetness that comes after that even more.

Love is made up of all taste. Just like people is craving for chocolate because it contains bitterness blended with sweetness. Tomyam is nice because it is spicy and sour. Any fruit that you taste sweet now is sour before it ripens. Just like a rainbow is incomplete when it lacks one colour, love would be a flaw if you miss any of this taste. Be grateful that God gave us this chance to experience the taste of Love, so let us start to enjoy it now !

joyCe

JOYCE

J

Joy

Y

C Christ

E Everything

To have that joy when u begin to see and feel Christ in everything

To have that joy when u continue to trust Him in times of trouble

To have that joy when u keep holding on to Him on that rocky path

To have that joy that u get to own His unfailing and eternal love

To have that joy He puts inside u since the first day He laid His eyes on u

To have that joy when u finally willing to let ur old self die n fly away in the blowing wind

and

Let Him give you a whole new Life again

To Let you share the Joy u have with others

Can u feel my Joy?

I Trust Him

There she kneels, alone in the center of a circle. Surrounding her was a group of men, with whips. Pillars of sweats were dropping down from the cheeks of both parties, the woman and the men.

"Let's see how long u can stand this. I will make u suffer for this." What follow was a series of mad laughter.

"He will make u pay for this... " she quenched out her last bit of energy to squeezed out these few words from the the seemingly unmoved lips.

Sshhip...

another slash dropped on her back. Skins broke, blood splashed, body collapsed...

There she is, lying there. Motionless. Eyes looking upward into the ray of light in front of her, looking into nothingness. One could easily thought the thing lying there is just a corpse, lifeless. But if u would just go abit more closer, u can notice that bead of tear on the edge of her eyelid, and maybe the very frail movement of chest, up, down, up, down...the only sign that proves that she is still alive.

The people around her was gone now,all that left was darkness. Totally darkness. But many didn't realise that there was actually a fire burning in the room itself. The flame was dazzling, the heat was immense, the temperature is high, high enough to melt the hardest solid in the world, gold. It was there, deep in her heart, burning so intensely. But what she wanted was not gold that it melts, but hearts, hearts of stone.

The door was opened, a figure walked in. Not those face with evil grins on their face and a whip in their hands anymore, not those rigid and sturdy body anymore. No, not them anymore. But it really didn't matter also anyway now.

In she came, a lady. Same age with her. The difference between these them was, she was clean and neat. And most importantly, she didn't have scars with her, she didn't have to go through what she had gone through. She stood there, stunned. Couldn't believe what she saw.

"What have they done to u? How could they...?? "

She ran over, hugged the motionless body and broke down in tears. That's her best friend, who grew up together with her. They once shared the same dream, shared the same memories, shared the same laughter and tears. But when they decided to follow the different master, it won't be the same anymore.

One decided to follow a wealthy man.He was rich, he was smart or maybe cunning, he can give you anything u desire for as long as u submit to him, to his powers to do what he ordered to achieve success in his evil plots. She followed him,and she was glad she could be free from all the sufferings and enjoyed life by controlling by her master.

Another decided to follow a guy. He got everything too, yet nothing. He was a servant himself, serving others. Why would one choose to follow a servant and be a servant's servant ? No one understand. Furthermore this master of hers had been condemned by all for his acts of claiming to be God's son and lastly die by being nailed to a cross in front of public. And there she was here, going through agony for her master that was dead and will never be back according to all.

"Why are u so stubborn? Just surrender to them. It won't take u anything and instead u will enjoy it."

"He will come..."

"No, he won't. Listen, he won't come. He forsake u when u are in trouble and how do u expect a person who can't even save himself to come and save u?"

Countless of people told her all these before. She can't remembered anymore how many times it had been repeated. From her enemies, from the ignorant people, from her friends, and, even her loved ones. People laughed at her stupid loyalty, people mocked her for looking troubles for herself, and people persecuted her for her faith.

This does not just happened once. From the first day she decided to follow Him, she expected this. Reprimands, mockery, sarcastic words...never stopped. She told herself it will be fine, they will stop when they finally realise the truth one day. But this one day that she had been waiting for never comes.

Again and again she was persecuted, again and again they stepped on her, again and again she was stabbed. Again and again her tears dropped...

She prayed so hard, pray that one day the flame in her heart could help the lost ones to find their way. But, it didn't happened. Not till now...

She was tired of waiting. She felt like to stop here, now. She can't go on anymore...

Just as she felt that she was going to surrender, she heard Him. Yes, loud and clear He speaks to her.

"Im sorry that u have to go through this. But trust me, one day I will come to fetch you home, your real home. Hold on to me and i shall honour you. "

In that hollow room where only sobs of her friends that could be heard, there was another sound. It was a hymn, a very soft sound...

When i fall u picked me up

When i am empty u filled me up

To give up i would be a fool

U are my strength when i am weak

U sustain me when im falling

U saw the best in me
U are all i need

Im everything i am

Because u loved me

"Girl, listen to me once. Please, just this once. Surrender to them. "

" I will surrender...but only to my Lord." She closed her eyes up.

I trust Him.